In August 2017, on a trip to Banff, I decided to close my wellness programming/consulting business. “Decided” is not the word… It was more a truth vibration in my heart that was, “that’s enough, we’re moving on”. It was so calm + so clear it was not a thought or a message but a FEELING in my Heart.
Many crumbs guided me to the toppling over of my wellness biz but before this day in Banff, my ego would always pull me back, like, “what would people think if I closed up? They’re going to think I failed. I can’t have that… can I?? Ugh, no way sister. Sit down & work like nothing is wrong & you love it.”
For 8 of my 15 yrs as a wellness devotee, I publicly prophetized wellness from the internet mountain tops down into folks’ inboxes & media feeds.
I have some remorse over this.
Sure “healthy” lifestyle changes can make us feel better. For those who took my messages & truly became more self-loving + accepting & a more positive person - that’s fantastic. That was my intention.
But I know this journey bc I’ve been on it. “Healthy” is not always done from self-love. Most of the time, we twist + change from a place of “I’m not good enough", judgment, frustration, fitting into a beauty norm that is presented to us by an industry making money on us never being able to reach these ideals.
Healthy or not:
We’re all worthy of love & have value no matter what we do or don’t do or look like.
At the end of my wellness/fitness career, I had so many feel-good stories about past clients' & participants' success in this arena.
But the ugliness of the health/well/fit industry got too loud for me to keep chugging away. Seeing more & more how wellness people in the industry get so snobby & judgmental based on what people look like, their weight or other biometrics. Seeing how people on the healthier journey often are left feeling like “something's wrong with me”.
This something-wrong-with-me / not-good-enough epidemic
grows into the need to defend ourselves
& that spills into something wrong w/ everyone else
which settles into
judgments against others, close-mindedness, sexism, racism, fat-phobia other flavors of prejudice, attacks (blatant or hidden) or numbing in the form of consumerism, comparison, judgments, food, alcohol, drugs… on & on.
No matter what my intention in my wellness work,
I couldn't ignore the grand impact the industry as a whole has on people.
So I burned it down.
The only thing I knew for sure a year ago was that I’d be doing work that had to do with our minds.
Loving & accepting ourselves to give us the courage to live a life that feels good to us although may not look good on the cultural comparison scale.
Loving & accepting ourselves so we can find the courage to love & accept all people - no matter where they’re from or what they look like.
After working w/ 1000s of people looking to better their health/wellness/fitness, I saw over & over that self-acceptance & self-love are the paved roads to heart-stroking life upgrades of all kinds. Upgrades that are fun, feel good and are easily maintained.
The more we release our cloudy emotional baggage, the lighter the load in our lives. And the lighter the load on Mother Earth.
I want to do work that specifically targets this movement.
So I spent hundreds of hours in contemplation, meditation, chanting, reflection, ritual this past year signaling to my guides that I wanted their help AND every day I was showing up to be quiet & calm to get their tiny whispers. So...
Here we are & here we go.
Thanks for reading, love bug. :)